


Some Type Of Dilemna

by midlygay



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: College Reader, F/M, Falling In Love, Mutual Pining, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:13:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27529768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midlygay/pseuds/midlygay
Summary: Tsumugi had never been too interested in relationships, although he thought the notion was lovely. Friends around him formed couples and broke up as often as the sun rose and set, while Tsumugi remained alone. He just had a hard time finding women that he was attracted to.Then, Kazunari brought you to the dorm.
Relationships: Tsukioka Tsumugi/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

Tsumugi felt terrible.

He had never been too interested in relationships, although he thought the notion was lovely. Friends around him formed couples and broke up as often as the sun rose and set, while Tsumugi had remained alone. Tasuku had been the only constant relationship in his life, and it had always been enough for both of them. Tsumugi had grown jealous here and there, particularly when Tasuku had began bringing women home, but he just had a hard time finding women that he was attracted to. They were all pretty and kind in their own way, but there had rarely been someone that stood out from the crowd.

Then, Kazunari brought you to the dorm.

It was a simple school project. Kazunari had asked if a friend could come over to work on it, and after the director’s approval, the two of you settled in the dining room on a peaceful weekday afternoon. You both had your laptops out, and there lay a mess of notes on the table. Tsumugi couldn’t help his interest—he was truly a school-loving tutor at heart. He passed by with a gentle eye on the papers, and to his surprise, there were no numbers or bullet points. On each page, there were a number of designs and drawings. Words danced around the edges, but for the most part, every piece of paper was consumed by art. Tsumugi had turned each drawing over in his head as he filled his water bottle at the fridge. What could you be working on?

He didn’t try to listen in to your conversation, but the two of you were quite loud. The kitchen filled with your laughter, and Tsumugi thought to himself mildly that you and Kazunari seemed to have lots of chemistry.

“Do you think we should liven up these colors? It looks kinda gloomy,” Kazunari commented, and it was the most serious tone Tsumugi had ever heard him use. That said, there was still a grin at Kazunari’s lips, and it carried in his voice.

“There’s supposed to be an underlying sadness there. We can make it brighter, but we should keep some of the natural tones. The song has a happy tune, but because of the heavy subject matter, I want to make sure that we get the melancholy across,” You replied. Tsumugi thought your words were well-articulated, and his interest was officially piqued. He set down his tumbler and poured two glasses of water, dotting them with ice. He walked into the dining room and set them on table, though it was hard to find it under all the paper.

“You two seem to be working hard,” Tsumugi remarked idly. He smiled softly, and you caught his eye. You returned his smile, and he thought your face was pleasing to the eye. The intrusive thought embarrassed him, and he took a deep breath in an attempt to hide the blush that rose to his cheeks. He wasn’t quite embarrassed at your beauty, but more at the fact his brain had actively acknowledged it.

“Oh, Tsumu-tsumu! This is (y/n), a friend of mine from class. We’re doing a project together!” Kazunari beamed. Tsumugi nodded kindly, and his eyes flashed back to you when you bowed your head slightly.

“Nice to meet you, um... Tsumu-tsumu,” You said awkwardly. Tsumugi laughed, and it was a precious sound to your ears, instantly.

“Tsumugi is fine. Nice to meet you, (y/n),” He replied. Kazunari wrapped an arm over your shoulders and ruffled your hair, to which you responded by slapping him away.

“She’s so cute, isn’t she? You’d never guess how mean she can be,” Kazunari said happily, all while your closed fist pressed against his cheek. You rolled your eyes and went back to the notebook in front of you. Tsumugi chuckled at your antics.

“What kind of project are you working on? It seems a bit demanding,” Tsumugi noted. You and Kazunari both lit up at the question, and Tsumugi was taken back as you both leaned forward, sparkles in your eyes.

“It’s the midterm for our Creative Writing class! The professor gave us a lot of liberty for the project, and (y/n) is a musician, so she’s writing a song while I design the album cover!” Kazunari said excitedly. You continued giving details with his same enthusiasm. “It’s supposed to circle back to the art of creativity, so Kazu and I decided to write about the pressures of being an artist. It really is different having a passion in the arts, and even more so when you’re trying to make it into your career. Everyone calls those jobs dangerous, since they’re based on your ability to create something amazing... and yet, here we are, right, Kazu?”

The two of you high-fived, and Tsumugi marveled at the way you two spoke in tandem. You looked back at him with mirth in your eyes. “You’re an actor, right?” You asked politely.

“I am. I love acting,” Tsumugi said, proud to answer to such a question. You nodded eagerly.

“Acting a beautiful art. I think it taps into so many of the parts that makes us human. So... you understand,” You said, and the way you looked up at Tsumugi was so genuine that he couldn’t help but smile with you.

It was at this point that Tsumugi began to think of you fondly, and it was a feeling that tormented him every time you crossed his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kazunari would be a great friend to have, I think. He’s so considerate, and he’s very observant. Thus, the catalyst is born.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please look forward to some more insight from the reader, next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

There were days that he would be reminded of you, but they were seldom at first. Kazunari would talk about school, and Tsumugi would briefly remember how you had come over that day. Perhaps there would be a small band playing on some corner of Veludo Way, and Tsumugi would think about the way your eyes had shimmered while you were talking about music. He didn’t expect to see you again, so he let these thoughts drift away easily.

However, about a week later, you came again. This time, you and Kazunari had worked in the courtyard. You brought your guitar, and the two of you had been toying with the lyrics outside, where there were no walls to trap your sound. Kazunari had commented on his empty stomach, and when you admitted to the same, he set off to get snacks from the corner store. It was the middle of the day, and Kazunari felt safe leaving you in the nearly empty dorm. You insisted on staying behind, anyways. You didn’t want to stop playing quite yet.

Tsumugi entered the courtyard with two large bags of dirt hefted in his arms. He would have asked Tasuku to help him carry the soil, but his friend had set off on a spontaneous mid-day run. Tsumugi had seen him off at the door, minutes before Kazunari had also marched out. He had no idea that you were visiting again.

The sound of a guitar surprised him. One of the bags slipped from his grasp, thudding on the floor firmly. This startled you in turn, and you jumped before whipping your head around. You remembered his face. Tsumugi, the actor. Last time, he had brought you water and asked you questions.

“Tsumugi-san,” You greeted. Tsumugi gave you a soft smile. He hadn’t expected you, but he was happy that you were back. “(Y/N), you’re back. Working with Kazunari again?” He replied. You set down your guitar on the bench and walked towards the dejected bag of soil. Tsumugi was already setting down the first bag by a row of plants, and though he stood to grab the second, you were already plopping it down beside him. He thanked you with another grateful smile.

“Kazu went to get snacks, so we’re on a little break. Do you want help with anything?” You asked. Tsumugi shook his head instantly. He didn’t want to trouble you, even in the slightest. He even wondered if he should tend his plants later, just so that he could stay out of your way.

“Thank you, (Y/N). Don’t worry, though—you should focus on your project,” Tsumugi insisted. You frowned. You wanted to talk to him a bit more. His kindness was very inviting. To avoid the fact that he had declined your offer, you knelt down and lightly brushed one of the budding flowers at your feet. You remained there for a moment, taking in the silence that floated between the two of you.

Tsumugi looked at you thoughtfully. You were not as talkative as he would expect of a friend of Kazunari’s. You weren’t leaving your spot next to the flowerbed, either. Tsumugi realized that you really did want to help, and that you weren’t just offering out of politeness. He got on his knees in the vacant spot next to you, and he rolled up his sleeves before tearing open a bag of soil. It spilled out on the ground, and Tsumugi shoveled up the contents with the tools he had previously set by the flowerbed. He held out a hand shovel to you, and you took it with pleasure.

“Didn’t you say you were fine without help?” You asked with mirth. Tsumugi chuckled.

“It really seems like you want to help, though,” He replied. You nodded shyly, glad that he was allowing you to assist him.

Tsumugi instructed you on what he wanted—a rotation of soil on the topmost layer, that way the fertilizer embedded in the new soil could contribute to the flowers. He fretted over whether you would get your clothes dirty, and you asked if he had another apron. He did, and he left the courtyard briefly, before returning with a light apron, stained with dark patches that had once been dried in grass and dirt. You took it gratefully, standing to shrug your neck into the top loop. You tied the ends around yourself tightly before returning to the ground.

“Have you gardened before? You don’t seem to have many questions,” Tsumugi commented idly after a minute or two.

“I have a couple indoor plants where I live, but I’ve always wanted a real garden, with grass and soil. So I studied up,” You replied. “This is the first time I’m actually getting my hands dirty, though.” You picked up a fistful of soil and let it fall through your fingers. Tsumugi laughed, and you looked at him quizzically.

“Sorry, I was just thinking that it’s cute to see someone that wants to play with the dirt... you don’t even have any gloves on,” He chuckled. Before you could reply, Tsumugi halted his carefree laughter and replaced it with an embarrassed stammer. “O-oh, um, I’m sorry if I offended you. That was pretty rude, wasn’t it...”

You watched him fidget, amused. “No, not at all. And this might be childish, but the soil feels so smooth and cool. Maybe gloves are just for the weak, Tsumugi-san,” You teased. “Just kidding,” You added carefully. Who were you to joke with someone like this after only meeting them twice? This is how you would talk to Kazunari, not a stranger.

Tsumugi was turning over the same idea in his head. He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to laugh so openly, but now that he had done so, you seemed to take that a green light for teasing. He was surprised with himself, but he found that he didn’t regret it at all. Unexpectedly, the banter came smoothly. Much more smoothly than he would think. You were younger than him, you were a woman, and most importantly, you were a stranger. Since that was the case, why did he feel so at ease?

“I mostly wear them to keep the dirt from getting in my nails. They’re hard to clean. But I’m not one to judge a pair of dirty hands. It’s in the job description, after all,” Tsumugi said. He hoped he sounded more composed than before. When you nodded in reply, and silence fell over the courtyard again, he was positive that he had done so... and yet, he still felt that he had lost something.

For a couple minutes, you worked in silence. Tsumugi would transfer the fertilized soil to the flowerbed, and you would beginning turning it through the top layer. It was a very simple exchange, but the bed ran across the entire length of the fence, so you gradually moved further down the wall. Tsumugi dragged the soil alongside him, and you two scooted down together.

“(Y/N), you’re an artist as well, right?” Tsumugi asked. The silence wasn’t deafening, but it wasn’t quite at peace, either. You nodded, grateful that there was conversation to fill in the space once more.

“Yes, I’m a musician. I think it’s really great that you’re a serious artist too, Tsumugi-san,” You complimented. He smiled at that, and you were pleased with his reaction.

“Of course. Acting means everything to me. There was a point in time where I ran away from it, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving the stage. I know that clearly now,” Tsumugi stated. His passion was almost tangible, and you thrived off of it. You were passionate about your art, and thus, appreciated it in others as well.

You set down the shovel, needing your hands to assist you in depicting your excitement. “It has a hold on you like no other, right? When you can’t turn away, no matter how hard you try... isn’t it the greatest? To know so clearly what you’re meant to do?” Your eyes sparkled, and Tsumugi was reminded of the first twinkle he had seen in your eyes. It was a wonderful sight, and it filled him with even more joy than before.

“It is. But, it’s also scary, isn’t it? The times without acting were hard, but the troubles caused by acting at all might have been just as hard. There’s no easy way through it or around it,” He replied. Thoughts of the previous years clouded his mind. He had made an easy honest living in his time away from Veludo, but the rejection that he had felt after the God Troupe audition was so demoralizing that he wanted to throw his entire career away. To give your all in something and still have it crash in front of you was an ugly pain, and Tsumugi would never forget how inadequate he felt while Tasuku had tried to comfort him. He could now say confidently that all the troubles were worth it, and he didn’t regret his failure, but that didn’t change how difficult it was to get back into acting after such a devastating blow.

Tsumugi’s emotions stormed on his face. His hands were pressed to the soil in front of him, and he stared at the small stems with eyes that pondered much. You didn’t respond, but Tsumugi hardly noticed. It worried you slightly, and you reached your hand out slowly to his shoulder. You gave him lots of time to stop you, but when your hand finally brushed his arm, he only looked up at you, without surprise or irritation. His face was still blank, and his brows still furrowed. He quickly flushed with emotion, and he pulled his face in a tight smile, a bitter smirk.

“Sorry, I sound like an old man, don’t I? I didn’t mean to get so—“

“It is scary. Being an artist almost guarantees a different breed of hurt. One of the perks of being us, right?” You said with a bittersweet chuckle. Your held tilted naturally as you gazed at him, not quite smiling, but not plain-faced, either.

Taumugi would think back on this moment later, and he would pinpoint it as the moment where things went wrong. His heart skipped a beat, small but sure. There were no flowers that bloomed around your face, and his cheeks did not flush with pink or heat, but your words pulled forth from him a feeling that he couldn’t describe. Rather than suddenly wanting to touch you, or learn everything about you, such desires seeped into him over a period of days and weeks. Even still, Tsumugi could trace back to this day—this specific moment, he could pin as the culprit for his feelings towards you. Because this moment was when you first started to hold a special meaning for him, however small it began.

The two of you locked eyes for a few moments, until the air became tainted with a sense of awkwardness. You pulled your hand back, confidence stolen by the silence, and Tsumugi warped back into real time.

“Y-yeah. You might be right about that.” He said, moving to brush his bangs out of his face. You both turned back to the garden work, unnerved by the sudden intimacy. It was much too soon for such a deep concept to be introduced in light conversation—this, you both thought to yourselves—but yet again, an exchange designed for old friends had made a surprise appearance in your dialogue. Tsumugi might not have felt his interest immediately, but you surely did. The heartbroken look in Tsumugi’s eyes had only showed itself for a split second, but you were drawn in. You wanted to ask him what had caused that look, and how long it had been—you wanted to learn his pain, his joy, how he approached his art and the troubles it brought him. Such questions swirled in your brain, and you further dug into the soil in an attempt to divert your curiosity. This was a man you knew next to nothing about, and he seemed to be older and experienced. His pains were not your business.

You couldn’t find any words to say, and you suddenly wished Kazunari would enter courtyard. It couldn’t have been over fifteen minutes since he had left, but you hoped regardless. Tsumugi caught your glance towards the door, and he felt guilt flood into his chest. You were just here to work on a project, after all. You weren’t here to talk with Tsumugi, let alone listen to his troubles. He inwardly cringed at his intrusive show of vulnerability.

The soil was close to finished anyway, so Tsumugi picked himself off of the ground and hefted the bag of dirt upright. “Thank you for helping me with this, (Y/N). I think we can finish up for now,” He said with an air of finality. You pursed your lips at the flowers.

“Are you sure? I like working with the earth, so you don’t have to worry about troubling me,” You promised. Tsumugi his his face behind the bag in order to hide his smile. He really did like your manner of speech.

“It’s alright. I only came to do this much, anyways. It would have taken me twice as long without help, though. I appreciate it,” Tsumugi said genuinely. You gathered up the tools on the floor, also covering up your resulting grin—you felt that you clicked with him so easily, and if he had been closer to your age or schooling, you would have asked him for his number already. There weren’t any traces of romance in the air, but you wanted to be close to him as his friend. Quite immensely, considering the amount of time you had actually engaged him in true conversation.

Once the garden shed was open, you set the tools with others of their kind, and Tsumugi set the half-empty bag on the floor. He went back out to pick up the other bag, completely emptied. He trashed it before locking up the shed, and you began shrugging off the apron he had lent to you.

“Can I wash this?” You asked timidly. You were quite eager for an excuse to come see him again, but Tsumugi was already taking the apron from your hands.

“That’s alright. It’s meant to be dirtied. Even so, you still kept it pretty clean,” Tsumugi marveled, holding it up for inspection.

“Even for a kid who plays in the dirt with her bare hands?” You joked. He laughed.

“Especially for such a kid,” Tsumugi beamed. He shook it off for good measure, but no dirt dusted the air. He folded it neatly while you went back to the bench. You stood the guitar next to the bench’s armrest, and you were about to sit when Kazunari bursted through the inside door. You yelped, and fumbled the guitar into the soft bushes.

“(Y/N)! I’m back with snacks! And look, it’s Tsumu-tsumu! Were you gardening?” Kazunari’s voice filled up the entire space, booming in comparison to the soft voices that had traversed it before. Tsumugi was watching you with interest, holding back both amusement and concern at the way you had jumped. You did that when Tsumugi entered the courtyard as well. Perhaps skittishness was part of your nature.

“Yes. (Y/N) helped me a bit as well,” Tsumugi informed casually. Kazunari set a plastic bag on the small table in the center of the yard, then moved to brush a hand on your sleeve.

“Oh, you did, (Y/N)? I’m sure you were happy to see a real garden,” He remarked, and you smiled as you swatted him away. Tsumugi followed the small movements of you two as you talked about the past fifteen minutes—Kazunari’s frequent brushes against you, the way he ruffled your hair, and the way that you would smack him lightly on his shoulders. Tsumugi wouldn’t be surprised if there was something blooming between you. All the while, your conversation continued. Tsumugi began walking away quietly, thinking that there was no other reason for him to stay in the courtyard, though he wanted to regardless.

Tsumugi looked back at you as he reached the door. You were already peering at him, watching him leave with a sense of disappointment, and he gave you a little smile and wave before turning his back to you. You wanted to stop him. There was no reason for him to stay, what with you and Kazunari getting ready to resume your schoolwork, but you still frowned as Tsumugi stepped inside and closed the door gently behind him. Kazunari followed your eyes, then looked back to you with a hidden grin.

“(Y/N), you’re fond of Tsumu-Tsumu, aren’t you?” He asked once Tsumugi’s shadow left the doorway. You stood and walked towards the bag of snacks Kazunari had returned with. You could at least hide any facial cues that would have given anything away that way. What they could give, you weren’t sure, but you did know that you preferred to keep unfiltered emotions to yourself.

“I kind of want to get to know him. We’ve got some common tones,” You replied. Kazunari had gotten you strawberry milk and a red bean bun. Your mouth watered as you tore open the plastic.

Kazunari sat on the bench and picked up the guitar. He has always thought it looked so cool, even if he could only play the easiest of the chords you had introduced to him. He pondered your tone as he strummed the open strings idly.

“He’s really cute, isn’t he? He’s already out of college, though. You’d be the like the opposite of a cougar if you went after him,” Kazunari teased. You flushed, almost choking on your milk.

“He’s not that much older, is he?” You asked, aghast. Kazunari laughed loudly.

“Haha! You’re interested!” He pointed out cheekily. You dashed over to your friend and placed your hands on either side of cheeks, squishing them with considerable force. Kazunari squeaked but didn’t try to fight your hands off. He continued laughing from his newfound state.

“Kazu, sweet Kazu. How about you stop talking before I pop your head?” You asked softly, mirthless, and Kazunari laugh died down to a giggle.

“‘Kay. I’d be the best wingman ever, though,” He said matter-of-factly. You released him with a sigh. If you could manage to spend more time with Tsumugi like today, you knew that any interference would only complicate things.

“You’d be a big help by leaving it alone,” You replied, accenting your last three words with force. Kazunari merely smiled in response, resting his chin in an upturned hand. You stared him down. Neither of you spoke, but simply looked at each other.

You broke your glare by scooting Kazunari over on the bench. When you sat next to him, he offered you your guitar as some sort of peace offering, and you accepted it begrudgingly.

“I’m not going to do anything, so don’t worry. But all you need to do is ask, ‘kay?” Kazunari said. You nodded, and he ruffled your hair playfully. Even though you hit him lightly, you were happy with his reply, and your hand lingered on his arm.

“Thanks, Kazu. We’ll see.”

Tsumugi couldn’t hear any of your words, but he eyed you through the window’s view of the yard. The sun glared down on the two of you, tinting the windows until he was only able to see your silhouettes. When you sat next to Kazunari on the bench, he looked away. He thought about going up to his room, but he suddenly wanted company. The living room it was, then.

As he made his way through the hall, Tsumugi was filled with shame at his earlier disposition. He had really made the conversation about himself, hadn’t he? He couldn’t pinpoint why, but he felt so embarrassed to show that saddened side of himself to you. Not solely because you were a new acquaintance, but also because he wanted to impress you. He didn’t want marry you, or anything, but you seemed like a wonderful person, and that meant that he felt a small pressure to leave a good impression on you. The way you had touched him and reassured the matter, like it was the most normal thing in the world, was truly a sweet sentiment to be on the receiving end of, but he couldn’t help but feel like he emasculated himself. Why did he even care this much about what you thought of him? He didn’t really, did he?

There was no one to be found in the living room, and Tsumugi sighed. He plopped on the couch anyway, thinking that he might catch you and Kazunari on the way out. Even one more interaction with you would make him like he could make up for that slip up. Either way, he had a great time talking to you. Your time together had also put a dent in his garden work.

You intrigued him. There was no excuse he could think of, but he hoped that you would come around and be able to speak with him again. You had so many detailed opinions about the arts, and Tsumugi wanted to hear your stance on some of the acting debates.

Tsumugi found that he wanted to see you again. He rubbed the spot on his arm where you had touched him. Uh-oh. He might have officially spent too much time thinking about you. When he thought that, he thought of your smile, and found himself completely unable to push the image away.

 _Please, don’t let this turn into anything more, Tsumugi,_ He thought to himself. Tsumugi closed his eyes, and found that you still plagued his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kazunari is so smart. I love him.
> 
> Also, can you tell what my major is? Haha.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

It wouldn’t have been an issue, but you were in college. Probably Kazunari’s age, if you were taking classes with him. That put you around twenty. Tsumugi knew that five or six years wasn’t too much of an age gap, especially in the current day and age, but it still unsettled him. Imagine if you ended up being eighteen. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself for being attracted to a girl so young.

It wouldn’t have been an issue, but you continued popping up around the dorm even after your project had finished. Tsumugi began associating you heavily with Kazunari, and when he appeared, Tsumugi’s eyes couldn’t help but wash over the room gently, a loose tide of both hope and apprehension. You didn’t come over often enough for him to say that he saw you often, but the dorm was no longer a place that was foreign to you. There was nothing strange about seeing you stop by after your shared class with Kazunari, or to work with him on some creative activity in the courtyard. You even began to build a rapport with some of the other members of the company.

And that was just the problem, wasn’t it? It wouldn’t have been an issue, but you made an effort to reach out to Tsumugi. Perhaps he was being conceited—you liked to bring your guitar sometimes, and it made sense for you to play in the courtyard, where there were no walls locking in the sound around you. At those times, Tsumugi just happened to be outside as well. When you were working through your music history class, Tsumugi was often able to give you more context about the eras you studied. He had tutored world history before, so of course he was able to help.

There was reasoning to be found in the small clips of conversation, in between the precious moments that you and Tsumugi naturally fell into. The easy banter and meaningless jabs came so easily that before he knew it, a simple greeting would melt into breathless giggles and passionate debates and the kind of invincible conversation that Tsumugi could indulge in for hours. It reminded him of the way that he and Tasuku used to stay up during sleepovers. They would talk in hushed tones, lest they be scolded by one of their parents, and time flashed by, every spoken word merely a thin streak in an endless sky. Only sleep could take away their endless chatter. He had wondered multiple times how your voice would sound under the covers in the deadest hours of the night. Would it be soft and airy? Would it be electric with the sparks that only come at three in the morning? He tried not to admit it to himself... but he wanted to know. Badly.

Today marked about two months since you had started coming around. The winter troupe had been practicing steadfastly, and as opening night grew closer, the amount of free time Tsumugi had grew sparse. He didn’t spend as much time in the common area downstairs, but when you came, he made a point to hang inconspicuously in a place where you could approach him— a silent invitation that you never failed to take. Today, Banri joined the two of you as you sipped on tea that Kazunari had brewed.

“It was a gift from the Japanese Culture club! I painted a banner for their club showcase, so they gave me matcha and wagashi. They’re the best!” Kazunari was explaining the origin of the anko laid out on the table, which dwindled steadily before you and Kazunari. Tsumugi seemed content with his tea, served in a handle-less mug for aesthetics, while Banri eyed the confectionary with mild disgust. Tsumugi had thought they wouldn’t be too sweet for him, but Banri’s face had scrunched up as soon as he bit into the red bean paste. He had chuckled, and Banri had scowled even harder.

“This shit tastes like nothing. And it’s too powdery. S’like biting rubber,” Banri commented snidely. You and Kazunari shook your heads in tandem, equally disappointed.

“Banri, that’s part of the magic. Did you think that tea ceremonies were held for maximum comfort? If that was the case, you wouldn’t be sitting on your ankles the whole time,” You returned. Kazunari gasped and spun on you.

“I thought we were thinking the same thing! Why aren't you defending the tea ceremony? You don’t like them? Seriously?” Kazunari frowned.

“Of course I do! You didn’t finish the wagashi box by yourself, Kaz! I’m just saying that they aren’t the most... sensible treat,” You finished. Tsumugi chuckled at your antics, and the sound filled the dining room with bright, sunny colors. Kazunari still had a frown on his face, but his eyes were dazzling as they met yours. No one said anything, but the three of you all thought the same thing—what a pretty laugh.

“Tsumu-tsumu, what do _you_ think? You like them, don’t you?” Kazunari asked hopefully. Tsumugi grazed his cheek with his finger as he mulled over a response.

“Me? Well, I think they’re good. I really like the tea, though,” He said, smiling down at his steaming cup. He pressed it to his lips for another sip, and found that it still burned his tongue. He let out a crisp blow over it, watching the steam distort. He was patient. The tea would cool down soon.

You watched him perhaps a bit too closely. You were seated at the bottom of the table, Banri on your left, and Kazunari and Tsumugi on your right. Tsumugi was the furthest from you, and you hoped this allowed you to steal a couple more glances at him without scrutinization, but Kazunari was too observant for that. His eyes didn’t need to follow your gaze to know what you were looking at, and a gentle smirk dusted his lips. You looked away from Tsumugi when you felt Kazunari’s stare, and you tried to swallow the flush that threatened to burn your face.

“Bitter,” Banri muttered. His chin was slumped in his hand, and it was extremely obvious that the selection of food and drink annoyed his taste buds.

“It’s not always this bitter. Someone just heated the water too much, steeped the tea too long,” You said. Kazunari returned to his pout, which was a face you seemed to summon constantly.

“(Y/N), you’re so mean! It tastes fine, okay? Tsumu-tsumu wouldn’t have wanted a second if I made it that bad!” He said defensively. You hummed in response. Tsumugi’s eyes met yours, and you were trapped by the blueness of his eyes, by the sincereness of his stare. He smiled at you sweetly from behind his cup, and you took a quick breath before mirroring him. Oh, you didn’t know anyone else who could be so idly angelic.

Kazunari caught this interaction too, and he wanted to snap a picture of the two of you. It was so obvious that there was a mutual connection. He wasn’t sure if Banri would pick up his drift, but he attempted to leave you two alone anyways.

“Oh, that reminds me! I need to get some more ink after all that calligraphy text,” Kazunari said, rising to his feet. You did the same, knowing immediately what Kazunari was trying to initiate. It was too obvious, and you didn’t want Tsumugi to think that you were trying to trap him.

“Guess I’m on bag duty,” You inferred. Kazunari was stacking the plates, and the small clinks rung like bells. You weren’t quite sure what to do with yourself now, so you resolved from taking the plates from Kazunari once he was finished. He tried to reach for them again, but you were already off to the kitchen, set on washing them as thanks for his constant hospitality.

Before you could finish getting soap on the sponge, Tsumugi had appeared beside you.

It wasn’t quite mutual attraction yet, you pondered, as Tsumugi wordlessly took another sponge and began washing one of the plates from your stack. You knew that you liked him now—it was hard to put your feelings into words, but you were so painfully aware of the way he would brighten when Tasuku entered the room, the pursed smile that would rise when he wasn’t sure how to respond, the course his eyes would take when he remembered a memory that he wasn’t expecting. You hungered for information about him. You wanted to hear all his thoughts and troubles, his hopes and fears, and twinges of romance were just beginning to enter the mix. When Tsumugi’s arm brushed yours, both of them inches away from the suds, your heart twitched. Neither of you acknowledged it, even though the touch lingered in your minds long after you had moved away from each other.

You couldn’t tell what Tsumugi was thinking, despite the fact that most of his emotions were apt to make an appearance on his face. It was hard, because the two of you only ever interacted in this specific setting. The only other people to join you in conversation were people that Tsumugi trusted intensely. There was no way for you to initiate this, at least in a non-mortifying way, but you wanted to spend time with him. Outside the dorm.

He would often return your smiles. Tsumugi wasn’t afraid to hold your gaze a bit longer than what would be considered normal, but you didn’t know what was normal for him. As open as he was, you couldn’t discern his interactions from mutual interest or simply engaged friendliness. He was just so kind.

There were only a handful of dishes, even after Tsumugi took a second trip to the table to collect the cups, and you finished washing them quickly.

“Thank you for your help, (Y/N)-chan,” He said earnestly. You smiled and waved the thanks away. Kazunari listened with the ears of a drama-hungry teen. He was wracking his brain trying to find the most natural route to push you two together.

Banri thanked Kazunari for the food meekly, then began striding towards the living room. Kazunari gasped loudly—loud enough for Banri to turn and give him and incredulous look.

“Oh! Oh, Settzer! If you wanted me to play games with you, you should have just asked! I’m not the best, but I can definitely give it a shot,” Kazunari beamed. Barni’s face gave away the _“what the hell”_ resting on his lips, and Kazunari hurriedly continued.

“(Y/N), do you wanna pick up the ink for me? I know you wanted to go shopping in the Veludo Corner anyway, so you’ll already be in the area,” He suggested, all while staring at Banri with desperation. You and Tsumugi were walking in from the kitchen, and he whispered to Banri before you could come any closer.

“Let’s get them alone!” Kazunari whispered, elbowing him, ignoring your heated protests in the background. Banri shot him another petulant glance, then merely shrugged and continued making his way to the living room.

“Sorry, (Y/N), I’ve been dying for a partner to play LFD with. And Itaru just rages like a baby,” Banri called out casually. Your eyes darted between the two of them, and you lingered on Kazunari. He gave you little smirk, and your eyebrows knitted together.

“I’m not an errand boy, Kaz. You might as well come with me,” You stated firmly. You stayed by the table, moving to pack your bag, knowing you would inevitably go out. Tsumugi stood by you silently, once again cupping his tea in two hands. He sipped. Now it was lukewarm. A bit too cold for his taste, but he didn’t mind.

Kazunari hung in the walkway between the living room and the kitchen, half-hollering, half-speaking. “Just take Tsumu-tsumu! You’ve been spending a lot of time with me lately, anyways. Are you starting to fall in love with me?” He asked coyly. You didn’t laugh, but you couldn’t help an irritated smile. Was he serious? He was going to tease you with stupid lines in front of someone that he knew you liked? Suddenly, the weight of Tsumugi’s eyes rested on you heavily. You could feel them so strongly that you could have held them, like two heavy weights placed your shoulders.

You didn’t have the heart to return his false affections. “I can’t fall in love with someone who says “totes” and “swagalicious” unironically.” Kazunari huffed at your coldness, but he was smiling, now. He bounded over to you and Tsumugi, who was hovering beside the table awkwardly. Kazunari placed a hand on your shoulder.

“You wouldn’t mind going with her, right, Tsumu-tsumu?”

You brushed your friend off swiftly. “I don’t need supervision. I’m not a child,” You replied stoically. Tsumugi seemed to fidget at this remark, and you wondered what about it triggered such a response.

“I know that. But the stores won’t be busy right now, and Banri needs me!” Kazunari sighed grandly, and before you could dissect his stupid, stupid attempt to get you alone with Tsumugi, you were cut off.

“I’ll go. If you’ll have me, (Y/N),” Tsumugi said, smiling that angelic smile that summoned agreement and melted hostility. You looked at him helplessly. That angel stared dauntingly at you, not giving you a single clue on how to respond.

“Are you sure? I was complaining, but you really don’t have to come run an errand for Kaz with me. Like we even should be,” You said, ruffling a hand in Kazunari’s hair to show that you didn’t really mind helping him out. He looked relieved to have you tease him without seriousness, and you suddenly wondered if you had rebuked him too harshly.

“I don’t mind at all. There are some exciting things to look at in Veludo Corner, so I’d be happy to go,” Tsumugi answered. You hadn’t actually been to the corner in a while, as much as you liked it—it was filled with small in-the-hole shops and homey interiors, decorated with hanging bulbs and faded flags. It was a wonderful aura, and at two p.m. on a weekday, it might not be too crowded. Though it felt different at nighttime, you were sure it had a special aura in the sun as well.

“Mm, well... okay,” You agreed. Kazunari threw his arms around you, the joy radiating off of him in strong, high waves. They washed over you warmly, and you decided that his cheesy romance tactics couldn’t be too bad if they invoked this kind of reaction at success. You pushed him away without any force, grinning at the wall so that he couldn’t see your affection.

“Yay, thanks, (Y/N)! You too, Tsumu-tsumu! You know which ink I like, right, (Y/N)?” Kazunari said, bubbling with excitement.

“Pine soot, right? If it’s expensive, give me cash,” You replied, now grinning unabashedly. Kazunari fiddled in his pocket before slapping a couple bills in your hand, which you stuffed in your bag without inspection.

“Can you get lacquer soot too, if it’s stocked? I’ll love you forever,” Kazunari promised, wiggling his eyebrows. It didn’t invoke a laugh out of you, as you were still overly conscious of Tsumugi’s presence.

“Not only will you have my heart, but you’ll also have free access to love letters drawn in the finest ink,” Kazunari continued. This time, his comment had the desired effect, and you giggled behind your hand.

“Okay, okay. We’re leaving before you auction out any more of yourself. Text me if you think of anything else. Ah, Tsumugi, do you need anything?” You asked. Tsumugi shook his head lightly. He already had his wallet stuffed deep in his back pocket, and his keys were snug in his cardigan. He wondered if he should bring his phone, decided against it, and then changed his mind and moved to grab in from the counter. Tasuku might wonder where he went, and he wouldn’t want to cause any worry.

You and Tsumugi strode out the doorway, Kazunari calling goodbyes after you, and echoing himself until the door was shut. You took a deep breath. This was kind of like a date, wasn’t it? Kazunari had really outdone himself. Until the two of you were alone, you hadn’t quite registered the idea of going out shopping with Tsumugi. The two of you always had very easy conversation, but this felt different. The sun was dipping in and out of the clouds, and it was notably chilly outside. You hugged your sweater and absorbed the smell of rain in the air. There wasn’t any in the forecast, and the clouds weren’t grey in a way that implied a downpour, but you worried, anyways. Tsumugi’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

“Are you ready?” He asked kindly. You wondered what was going on in his brain.

“Yeah,” You breathed, and the two of you headed out into the day, towards the sound of life and people that bustled in the streets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Horray, we’ve gotten past the acquaintance barrier! Time for some relationship building!
> 
> Next chapter: Tsumugi is afraid of how much he’s coming to like you. When you head out into town, this starts to show.
> 
> (AKA: Tsumugi’s time to shine. I prefer writing the story from his point of view, so I’m really excited about this chapter.)
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mild anxiety, perhaps? Not on the reader's, part--on Tsumugi's.
> 
> He's such a worryful little one. Maybe you can help him relax?

Tsumugi was mortified. This is exactly what he had wanted to avoid, and yet, he found himself alone with you. _Outside of the dorms._ You were bundled in casual, comfy clothing, hugging yourself like it was twenty degrees colder than it felt. Why, oh why, did he blurt out that he would come with you? This could have been so easily avoided.

Not that he necessarily _wanted_ to avoid a situation like this—it was quite a mix of feelings that were beginning to stir inside of him. Over the course of the past two months, he had really warmed up to you. Tsumugi wasn’t used to the ease that came from talking to you. The only other woman he could speak to like that was Izumi, their brave-hearted director. Besides his relationship with her, which was completely platonic, it had been a long time since he had been interested in anyone. Let alone a fellow troupe member’s best friend. Let alone a _sophomore in college._

Tsumugi hadn’t gotten your age yet, but he had overheard that you Kazunari were projected to graduate in the same year. That put you at approximately twenty years old. Hearing that had made him go stiff. Five years wasn’t a large gap, but the fact that it was enough space to be called a gap at all tormented him. While he had been moving up to high school, you had still been in elementary. The mere thought was enough to twist his stomach into a ball of anxiety. He hadn’t even talked Tasuku about this development yet... he was so ashamed of himself.

And what development was there, exactly? You hadn’t exactly seemed excited at the prospect of going out into town with him. You were a friendly, passionate person, but he had convinced himself that there was nothing to indicate that you liked him. He was positive the feelings beginning to stir inside of him would be unrequited. There was no hope to be found in feeling anything for you. And yet, when you pulled your scarf down from your mouth to suggest a quicker route, his eyes were drawn to the shape of your lips, his ears tuning into the clear toll of your voice. He nodded in agreement, trying to hide the blush on his face. The cold wasn’t biting, but it was chilly enough to be considered uncomfortable. Tsumugi hoped you would assume that’s where the red on his face was stemming from.

The walk went by quickly. The corner was about a fifteen minute walk, you had noted—you then continued to lament how it was much too pleasant and much too close for Tsumugi not to visit often. He tried to forget about the worries settling in the pit of his stomach. Regret was filling up his head, and he just wanted to go home, where he could justify speaking with you. Out here, in the open, he felt like a thousand eyes were watching him, judging him. _There goes Tsumugi. How young is the girl he’s with? How far astray is he going to lead her?_

“...mugi. Tsumugi.” You were squeezing his shoulder tightly, and Tsumugi’s skin felt electric underneath your grip. “Hey, are you alright?” You asked. Your eyebrows were knitted together in concern. He blinked twice at the floor before summoning a smile to his face, and he aimed it at you as convincingly as he could.

“Y-yeah. Sorry. What were you saying about the corner?” Tsumugi asked, beckoning for you to continue. The worry on your face made him feel guilty, and he had to actively remind himself not to pour his melancholic gaze into the sidewalk.

You were obviously thinking about Tsumugi’s moment of blankness, but you continued anyways. “There’s a pretty nice flower shop. And pots are 25% off right now. You’re more of an earthy guy, though, aren’t you?” You asked. Tsumugi laughed breathlessly.

“An earthy guy? I guess you could say that. I have quite a lot of plants in my room, though, so I’m all for pots,” He said.

“Ah, okay. It’s kind of comforting to know that you’re still able to keep tending plants, even in your bedroom,” You said lightly.

“It is, huh...? That’s... an interesting thing to find comfort in,” Tsumugi chuckled. You looked back at him and flashed a lopsided grin. Tsumugi returned it, and he could feel the tension releasing its grip on him gradually, no match for the easiness of your conversation.

“Oh, and I wanted to ask—you don’t have to answer—but how old are you, Tsumugi?” You asked, looking forward once more. Tsumugi couldn’t see your expression, but he was fine with that, because he didn’t want you to see his, either. His heart thumped nervously. You were asking the question that had been on his mind since he first met you, and when he was allowed to return it, he’d have the answer to his worries. But he had to respond to you first. Would you be surprised? Would you be disgusted?

“Oh. Ah. It’s alright. Actually, I’m twenty-five,” He answered truthfully. He took a deep breath, aware of the direction of his next words. “Um, can I ask the same, (Y/N)?”

You didn’t miss a beat. “Twenty,” You said curtly. Tsumugi forced himself to keep walking, despite the shame that swayed in his stomach. It felt like a tsunami was swirling inside of him, rising up through his throat, crashing in his mouth such that he was able to taste it.

“Ah. Twenty. It... must be embarrassing to be out shopping with someone so much older,” Tsumugi remarked softly, simply unable to help himself. He regretted the words as soon as they left his lips. He sounded like such a drama queen. He didn’t feel this way when he left the house with Banri, or Sakuya, or even Yuki. So why did he feel so ashamed?

You, calm and collected as ever, didn’t seem fazed by the age difference at all. You even slowed your pace so that you were closer to Tsumugi, and your shoulder grew close enough that Tsumugi could feel the warmth radiating off of you.

“Not at all. Even if it mattered what everyone else was thinking, we’re only five years apart. That’s nothing,” You said, thumping him on the shoulder with a tight fist. Tsumugi stared at you incredulously.

“N-nothing? You’re completing college, and I have a career. When I was in high school, you were in—“

“Moving up from elementary, yeah. But when we talk, do you feel like there’s a gap that separates us?”

Tsumugi paused, even though he was well aware of the answer. “...No. Talking with you is natural,” He said thoughtfully, unaware of the smile touching his lips.

“Right? The number is important sometimes, but when it comes to us, it really doesn’t matter that much, I think. We might have a couple years between us, but if we feel at ease when we’re together, I don’t think it needs to dictate anything,” You said, honest and firm. Tsumugi rubbed the back of his neck. Your words might have been true, but... they sounded a bit intimate. Did you even realize what you were saying?

Tsumugi caught sight of the row of shops, and he tugged on your sleeve, suddenly invigorated with newfound confidence. You were right, and he had faith in your answer. Age didn’t need to dictate how he felt about you. It didn’t need to stain the giddiness that you brought forth from him.

“I suppose... maybe you’re right about that. Oh, is that the art store?” Tsumugi asked, pointing towards a sign with a large, dark brush painted on the side. You brightened immediately, and Tsumugi wondered at that. You were an artist, but you weren’t an _artist,_ right?

He followed you, turning your words over in his head every step of the way. By the time you had reached the door, Tsumugi was still several paces behind. You called out to him, and he lifted his head, gently shaking away the stress. Tsumugi rolled his shoulders as he jogged to catch up with you. He really did need to get out of his head. Anxiety was creeping up on him whenever he let his guard down, a constant shadow that threatened to drag him under a sea of sloshing darkness. You smiled at him from the doorway, at first refusing his offer to hold the door, then accepting it the second time. He stared at your back as you entered, distantly heard someone calling out a welcome to you. He steeled his nerves with another deep breath, then joined your side once more. You glanced at him, then gestured towards the isle on your right.

“This is where Kaz usually gets his calligraphy supplies,” You noted. The interior shelves were lined with small bottles of ink, all of them priced at numbers that made Tsumugi double-take. The little black bottles shined through the glass, despite being so dark. Tsumugi could imagine filling up a pen, or dipping a brush, and all of that ink racing onto a canvas with the grace of a gentle tide seeping onto the sand, of sunny snow melting over a mountain. You knelt down and scanned the labels, squinting.

“Oh, what are we looking for, again?” Tsumugi asked, kneeling beside you. Your shoulders brushed, and even though Tsumugi was the one who had knelt beside you, he still jumped. If you noticed, you thankfully didn’t comment on it—you merely pointed at a dark brown canister.

“Kaz likes pine soot ink the best. He says he only uses lacquer on special occasions, but then he goes and uses it all on free commissions, like the culture club banner,” You sighed. “We can get him both, if we can find them. Look for this brand,” You continued, grabbing a bottle from the shelf and turning it for Tsumugi to inspect.

You gradually scooted away from each other, both deep in your search through the identical maze of bottled ink. Tsumugi combed through the price labels, searching for the name brand, but he couldn’t find anything. He had wondered if there was no luck to be found at this store, and was about to say such when he caught sight of your arms. There were three bottles gathered there, and you turned to him triumphantly.

“Ho, he’s going to love this. Sorry for stealing all the glory, Tsumugi,” You grinned, holding up the ink. He took two of the canisters from you, and he was surprised at their weight.

“It’s okay. You know Kazunari very well, don’t you? How long have you been friends?” Tsumugi asked conversationally. You were already dipping out of the isle and onto the opposite side, shelves now carrying the types of pristine pens that were enclosed in boxes and sorted by diameter. Tsumugi blinked, trying to decipher the differences, but they seemed to be seldom. You must have not thought the same, because your face changed with each new box that you scanned, and Tsumugi had to stifle a chuckle when you crinkled your nose at some brand or another.

“We’ve shared classes since our first year, but we didn’t become close until last semester. I guess he’s my best friend,” You shrugged noncomittally, and Tsumugi quirked a brow.

“It’s unlike you to say something like that,” He murmured, shadowing you. Once you had selected a box, he followed you towards the register. Tsumugi wondered if the extra supplies you were buying were also for Kazunari, but he didn’t want to break the current line of conversation.

“Unlike me?” You asked, eyes seeking elaboration.

“You’re always so sure, and, um... you’re very passionate,” Tsumugi said. He wondered if you could hear the marvel in his voice. That very passion, that same sureness, it had always been one of his favorite things about his best friend, and it was starting to become one of his favorite things about you. He realized you and Tasuku were not so different, and that made sense of the pull he felt towards you. No wonder he had liked you so instantaneously. You reminded him of the person he loved the most.

You handed a stack of bills to the cashier then moved to swipe your card. It was colored green, with little flowers dancing on the edges. Tsumugi found it maddeningly adorable.

“Thank you. It hasn’t always been easy for me to make friends, and Kazunari kind of forced me to come out of my shell. He’d been trying since our first meeting, honestly, and after I was able to let him in...” You trailed off. Tsumugi waited patiently for your next words, knowing that they were probably slinking through your head, stuck inside a flurry of different phrases, none of them the right one.

“I... Now I can let others in, too,” You said softly.

“He really helped you, didn’t he?” Tsumugi mused, exiting the store alongside you. The bell rolled as he opened the door, and you walked under Tsumugi’s arm without protest.

“That guy is amazing. I’m really grateful that I met him. Otherwise, I wouldn’t know you either, would I?” You said. Once again, you had walked ahead, and your face was turned away from Tsumugi. He longed to see what kind of expression you were making. How would you spew such a cheesy line?

“You know, you can be awfully sappy, (Y/N),” Tsumugi giggled.

“Don’t tell Kaz I said that, or we’ll never hear the end of it,” You said, grinning. You laughed along with him, and this slowed your pace, landing you back at his side.

“So, where to next?” Tsumugi asked. He scanned the surrounding area. He could see small little cafes, some bookstores, a couple of refined looking restaurants. You tapped his arm lightly, turning him towards the left—a small building trimmed with green and filled with windows. The flower shop.

“It’s so pretty!” Tsumugi exclaimed. Your chest puffed with pride.

“Isn’t it? It’s bigger than you think, and I bet you’ll really like the back area. Here,” You placed a hand on Tsumugi’s arm and let it linger there this time—his face flushed with fever. He could feel your fingertips applying gentle pressure as you trekked across the street, and he couldn’t help the resulting hope: Was there a chance that you might be interested in him as well? For you to be touching him this long?

Tsumugi opened the door for you, and you both scurried inside, finally sheltered from the cold. Tsumugi gasped. Vines were draped over the walls, probably fake, but still aesthetic. The flowers were sorted by boxes, which were scattered around the room. A couple of workers were huddled near the back, gloves stained with green and white, floor covered in stems. Tsumugi could smell the cut flesh of the plants, and he breathed it in slowly, knowing that there was no better smell than this. The workers hollered greetings, offered them help if it was needed, then returned to giggling around their sea of shaved thorns and discarded leaves. Tsumugi turned to you with excitement.

“(Y/N), this is amazing,” He said happily, almost vibrating with anticipation. “I can’t believe this place has been here all this time.”

“Well, it’s pretty new, actually. Maybe a month old? But they have a really impassioned staff, so it really took off,” You boasted.

Tsumugi took his time weaving through the room. Here, a row of red carnations—there, a booming bouquet of forget-me-nots—beside a pot of cyclamens, he caught sight of dozens of tulips, seeming to capture every shade of the color spectrum. Even though it was winter, they looked fresh and lively. A certain color caught his eye.

Yellow. Unrequited love. He knew he was being dramatic, petty, childish—and yet, his feet were moving on their own, hands cupping the tulips without his consent, and his breath hitched as the petals kissed his fingertips.

“Yellow tulips. Some... some type of love, right?” You asked. Tsumugi squinted at you. “Well, you seem someone who would know about flower meanings,” You explained, looking down.

“You’re right about that. I learned about a lot of them from my grandmother when I was a kid. Yellow tulips... their meaning has changed over time, so lots of florists give different answers. I, um...” Tsumugi’s mouth suddenly felt dry. He hardly knew you. Not enough to have an unrequited crush on you. _I don’t like (Y/N),_ he reminded himself. _I don’t..._

You twirled one of the tulips in your fingers, then raised it to you face. You beamed at it, then held it out to Tsumugi.

“Is it too soon to buy you flowers?” You grinned. Tsumugi took the tulip. You had picked out a nice flower, probably at the peak of its bloom.

“You don’t know what it means yet, though, do you?” He asked, trying not to tighten his grip on the stem. His heart felt weak, like it could simply give up its function at any moment.

“I don’t need to know that to see that you like this flower,” You said. “Also, I think I remember reading somewhere... isn’t it, ah, hopeless love?”

Tsumugi froze. If you knew that, why would you think about giving this to him?

You locked eyes with Tsumugi. You reached for the flower, but when Tsumugi moved to hand it to you, your knuckles remained pressed against his, warm and soft. You didn’t break eye contact.

“You know, I think the yellow suits you, too. I know this is a spring flower, and you seem more of a winter type, but the yellow suits you,” You said hesitantly. Tsumugi saw the blush on your cheeks, and the way your skin was too hot. He realized.

Uh-oh.

“Th-thank you. But we better go. To the back. Th-the place you said earlier,” Tsumugi said weakly. The words fought him on the way out of his mouth. He spun around and walked further in the shop to prove his point, head spinning. You were feeling hot, weren’t you? That’s why your face was flushed, and your hands sweaty. Of course. It’s not like it was in the fifties outside. It isn’t like the interior of the flower shop was chilly and fanned. It wasn’t like you had mentioned that it was rather cold about five times now.

Because what other explanation was there?

Two months. The two of you had only been spending time together for two months, and even though Tsumugi felt like he had known you for years, he hadn’t. It had been a measly eight weeks, and who cared if he knew how you took your coffee, or what kind of music was your favorite, or the shape of your smile when you played your guitar—it didn’t matter. You were young, and free, and passionate, and Tsumugi didn’t need to take away from any of that. He was already being selfish by even entertaining the thought that you might be interested in him.

What kind of person did this make him? Knowing this, he still volunteered to come out with you. Tsumugi knew what this situation looked like. He wasn’t stupid. Sometimes he could be dense, but he knew that when a man and woman went out together, it wasn’t hard to assume what kind of relationship they were involved in. When your voice began ringing in his ears while he was alone, he should have stopped. The moment he began to wish you were with Kazunari every time he came home, he should have turned away from you. Now here you were, looking at him like he was the world, and Tsumugi had nothing to offer you.

Regret tightened around his heart. He hardly registered when you pulled his hands, and it wasn’t until the two of you were taking steps forward that he registered the world again.

“(Y/N), wh-where are you going?” Tsumugi squeaked. You didn’t respond. Your hand was just as sweaty as his.

“The back room. I’m going to show you the back room,” You huffed, almost jogging ahead. Tsumugi had to power walk to keep up, and even then, he still felt like he was being dragged.

Tsumugi was going to protest at your sudden rush, but soon, you were pulling him inside a doorway. As soon as he stumbled into the other room, the air changed. It was dark, and even though the lobby was filled with light, it suddenly felt like nighttime. The walls were painted black, and a thin fluorescent coated the ceiling, shining down on hanging leaves and rising lilies. The air felt so different, so thick that he could taste it. It was moist and dewey on his tongue, wet and clear in his nose. The plants were bundled in every nook and cranny in the small room, close enough to each other and to him that he felt boxed in. He could feel the crisp air surging through his lungs, clearing out his veins like running water through a dirty, unused hose.

“Wow,” Tsumugi breathed.

It wasn’t until a few moments later that he realized his hand was still holding yours. He moved to pull away instinctively, but you held it tight. Tsumugi looked down at you nervously, licking his lips.

“Tsumugi,” You said calmly. Tsumugi could have withered under the intensity of your gaze. Your eyes were the shiny bulbs of a tulip, once protected, but now vulnerable to every and any element. He wondered how you could sound so stable when you looked so scared.

“I. Ah. Maybe it’s too early to say anything, but I feel like now is a good time to tell you,” You began, still staring at him. Tsumugi marveled at your bravery, but froze at your words. Were you...?

Suddenly, you turned away, wrenching your hand out of his. Tsumugi felt the absence immediately.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay?” He asked worriedly, reaching out to you. There wasn’t much space in the room to begin with, and his arm brushed you after only inches of moving. You didn’t turn around.

“Yes. Just. It’s... it’s a cool room, right?” You said softly. Tsumugi looked around once more. The atmosphere was certainly different in here, not only because of the dark walls and UV lights, but also due to the tenseness between the two of you. He gulped.

“Yeah,” Tsumugi said dejectedly. He didn’t know how to bring up the moments before with the exponential lump sitting in his throat.

Silence ensued. Tsumugi stared at your back. You were breathing slowly. He wanted to touch you. He couldn’t believe how badly he wanted to touch you.

“Are... are you really okay, (Y/N)? If you have anything on your mind, I’m always here to listen,” Tsumugi offered. His hand hovered over your back, itching to move forward, but hanging loose in the air with indescision.

You shook your head. “No, I was getting ahead of myself. Sorry. You’re too kind, Tsumugi. Someone might want to take advantage of you,” You said. He just wished you would turn around already.

“That might be true. But I have faith in the people around me,” Tsumugi smiled. He decided to let you have your space, and he turned to the hanging pots on the opposite wall. This really was a beautiful room. He looked lovingly at the moon orchids sitting in front of him. They looked back at him.

“You’re lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people. They’re lucky to have you around, too,” You added. Tsumugi heard a smile in your voice, and he almost sighed with relief, sucking his breath back in at the last second. Some part of him wondered if you were trying to change the subject. He would let you, if that was the case.

“Really? Sometimes I think I’m being a burden, by being so timid. I’m even a leader, and one of the older members with more experience, so...” Tsumugi trailed off.

“For someone so observant, you can be a bit dense to people’s feelings, huh?” You mused. Your voice was closer than before.

“You’re... not the first one to say that,” Tsumugi said, wistful and plaintive and more translucent than he had ever heard himself.

“Tsumugi...”

Your voice was directly behind him. Your pressed your back against his, and Tsumugi could feel the space there bloom into an ocean of red carnations, could feel greenery sprout from the tender point of contact and breathe life into his entire body. As you rested against him, every sense of his felt overwhelmed with feeling. The dew, the pollen, the leafy musk wrapped themselves around him, thick and heavy and more than he could handle. You were warm. You were light. You pressed against him, and when you spoke, he could feel the vibrations of your voice throb in his bones.

“...everyone already loves you.” Your words came out as a song, and Tsumugi melted into the sound. Your voice was smooth, an aged pebble skipping across clean water, a soundtrack to this ethereal moment. Tsumugi closed his eyes, dared to rest his head against yours.

“You’re too kind,” He murmured, tossing your words back at you.

“Only until I’m compared to you,” You sighed, catching them.

The two of you remained there for some blissful moments, backs packed together, your breaths tussled as one synchronous being. Where you touched him, he was frail. Wisps of your hair brushed against Tsumugi’s neck, and he was conscious of the dip of your back, your slow breathing, your body temperature. His chest felt effervescent. His heart swelled with affinity. You were so perfect, knowing his weakness, his worries and his stress, and yet still seeing his vulnerability as something perfect and precious. You were passionate, inspiring in the way chased your dreams, and kind, considerate. Your hand belonged in his. He wondered how he could have ever been guilty for loving you, when his feelings were so pure, so faultless.

Oh, Tsumugi realized.

_Oh._

“Being timid, being scared... I don’t think you realize how much stronger you are because of that, Tsumugi. Persevering is already so difficult, and you have to fight through so many things to get to where you want to be. Yet, even though you have to deal with all that tension and fear, you stand on the same stage as everyone else,” You said. Tsumugi wanted to cry. He wanted to whirl around and wrap you in his arms. He wanted to show you just how much your words touched him.

Tsumugi ran out of the room.

“I’ll be right back!” He called out, racing to the front of the store.

“Tsumugi!” You exclaimed, surprised. Hurt spiked up your neck.

Tsumugi stormed back into the lobby, the workers and sparse customers all jumping at his sudden presence. He marched up to the workers and pointed to the bouquet that he had singled out when he first walked in, in tow behind you.

“Can I take these? I promise I’ll pay for them in just a moment,” Tsumugi begged. The woman in front of him stared blankly, then nodded. She clapped him on the back as she handed him the flowers, which were tied neatly with a pink ribbon. Tsumugi almost stopped to admire the way they had trimmed the leaves, cut the stem, but he shook his head loose of the questions and bowed, thanking the women. She laughed heartily and waved him off. Tsumugi finally made it back to you, the past sixty seconds feeling like ages past. You stood in the room apprehensively, shoulders tight with confusion. Tsumugi walked up you, then wrapped your hands around the bouquet, where he was able to cup your hands as well.

“Red carnations...?” You asked timidly, staring up at him. Tsumugi nodded breathlessly.

“I... do you know what this flower means?” Tsumugi asked. You tilted your head in deep thought.

“Passion?” You wondered aloud.

Tsumugi laughed happily. Of course you would name it’s second meaning, the very aspect of you that he loved the most.

“That, too. It can mean passion, admiration,” Tsumugi said slowly, “and love.”

You looked up at him. Tsumugi raised a hand and tentatively raised it to your cheek. You nodded, and he held your face tenderly, with all the gentleness of a soft breeze weaving through a field of decaying flowers.

You touched the hand on your face, treasuring it. “Actually, flowers aren’t really my thing,” You laughed.

“R-really?” Tsumugi asked in unbelief, choking the word out like an unfurling tulip.

“No, Tsumugi! I’m joking! Take a hint,” You continued laughing, and when you wrapped your arms him, Tsumugi held you tightly, relieved.

“I like you, Tsumugi,” You sighed into his neck. Tsumugi set a hand on your hair, and he tucked his chin to his chest so that he could breathe you in.

“I like you too, (Y/N),” Tsumugi said, voice dripping with sweet sentiment. The two of you parted, and you raised the bouquet in your hand.

“It isn’t too sappy?” Tsumugi teased.

“Just the right amount,” You said honestly, beaming.

.

“I really did think you were too young. I thought about it a lot. I didn’t know what to do,” Tsumugi reminisced. You two were still huddled in the fluorescent room, now with chairs. After paying at the front, the kind shopkeeper had invited the two to sit down in the room, which he had learned was meant for plants that required minimal sunlight. Tsumugi thought that she was probably well-versed in the art of budding romance, having sold arrangements that both repaired, renewed, and birthed love between couples-to-be and couples-not-to-be. Your knees were clutched to your chest, the red carnations bundled in your arms.

“It bothered you that much?” You asked. Your hand was clutched in Tsumugi’s, despite how hot you were beginning to grow in the condensation. Neither of you wanted to let go quite yet.

“It did. But I think I liked you from the beginning. I’m not really used to this sort of thing, though, so I bet it would have taken just as long no matter what,” Tsumugi chuckled.

“Well, it still didn’t take too long. It’s only been a month or two since we’ve met, right? You’re quick to make a move,” You teased. Tsumugi knew you were joking, but he flushed with embarrassment all the same.

“I-I know it’s too soon! But I just couldn’t help it. Even though it’s only been this long, it feels...”

“...like we fall into place next to each other, right?” You finished with a smile. Tsumugi clapped.

“If you finish my sentence, you’re proving my point too much,” He laughed.

“Well, either way, nothing has to change right now. I think it would be fun if to go on a date or two before deciding anything, even if we know how we feel already,” You suggested.

“Dates...” Tsumugi hadn’t actually courted anyone in a couple years, now. He had been so focused on his acting ever since he’d gotten back to Veludo. No part of him wanted to forfeit that—rather, he felt pushed to dive further into his art when you were around—but he wanted you. He wanted you to cheer him on, to be with him through all the steps to come.

“That sounds good,” Tsumugi said eagerly. He squeezed your hand.

“I’m really glad I met you,” He said, the truth of the day settling into his chest happily. His feelings for you were more right than they could ever be wrong. And you felt the same way. You were two puzzle pieces, fitting together snugly, foreseen since the first moment you had met.

You merely smiled, resting your head on your knees as you gazed at him. There were lots of things to think about—not much time had passed, and the two of you still had lots to learn about each other before settling into anything serious. Tsumugi was older, and he was a man with a busy career—you were a student, a free-spirit, and you were both overly cautious of all the things in the world that could go wrong. You both saw every path of failure that hid in between the droves of hard work and practice you committed yourself too. It was hard to mesh two minds that worked that way.

But in this moment, the violet lights buzzing around you, and the sticky vines tickling your shoulders, you felt nothing but excitement for the days to come. Tsumugi’s hand was warm in your own, and his smile enveloped you more than any daunting worry ever could. The two of of you were just beginning to fall in love, and that was the best part. There is time ahead of you, and that is all you need.

It’s still only midday, and the air is teeming with beginnings. You love Tsumugi, he loves you—and that is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning for the confession to happen so soon, but it wrote itself into this chapter. I hope it come out alright. There will be an epilogue, because there wasn't enough fluff, due to the anxieties of falling in love.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

It was only eight pm, but the sun had just started to dip into the horizon. You cherished these long summer days, and you turned your face to the sun in sudden appreciation. The air buzzed with warmth, but the breeze whisked by you before you could break any sweat. It was a good night from the moment you stepped out the door.

Tsumugi and Tasuku stood behind you, sulking.

“You’re scowling too much, Tasuku,” You called, stifling a laugh. The corners of his mouth were turned downwards, further than you had you had ever seen them. He whipped his scowl towards you, but you didn’t flinch under his glare. You’d been on the receiving end of that look quite often, especially when Tsumugi had first admitted that he now had a girlfriend to his best friend. Tasuku had been the least understanding, and the most vocal about it—you had first bristled under such criticization, and you had butted heads almost instantly. You were hurt by the rejection from Tsumugi’s best friend, but most of all, you were pissed by his domineering reign over Tsumugi’s decisions.

Now, you had since realized that he was just the jealous type.

“It’s hot,” Tasuku said gruffly, “and this is stupid. We’re not kids.”

You crossed your arms. “You know, I told you not come. Didn’t I tell him not to come?” You asked Tsumugi, who was looking between you helplessly.

“Tasuku, it’ll be fun. We haven’t done this in ages,” Tsumugi said amicably, patting his back. Before he could scowl any further (if such a feat was possible), the director peeked her head out of the doorway, grinning madly.

“Oh, you guys are going out already?” She asked kindly. Tasuku faced towards her, frown loosening up for a moment. You and Tsumugi shared a knowing look, and the quick connection made your heart flutter.

“I guess,” Tasuku grumbled. You scooted closer to Tsumugi, and he entwined his hand with yours peacefully, as he had done so many times before.

“If it’s really just for the exercise, you can always hike it another time, Taka-chan,” You promised. He shifted, looming above you like some dark tower, about to fall and destroy everything beneath it.

“Don’t call me that,” He growled. Izumi stepped out from the doorway. She was beautiful, and kind, and at first, you were fearful of the way she got along with Tsumugi. You two had even had a small argument when she told you he had bought her a white hoary stock, the meaning of the flower hanging in your head, downcast over your thoughts. “Quiet love.” Yeah, that had been a day of tears and trepidation, only soothed after you and Tsumugi had talked it out throughout the night over tea and under blankets.

However, you had overcome it. Tsumugi had started being a little more open with the affection he shared with you, and it was because of that argument that he would now hold your hand in the streets, pepper you with pet names in front of his troupe mates. You felt seen. You felt loved.

Tsumugi tapped Tasuku again, this time, letting his hand linger. “You know we’ll be fine, right? I won’t let anything happen to us,” He smiled.

“Well, you’re not really all that strong, Tsumugi,” Tasuku admitted. He glanced at his friend. “Sorry, Tsumu.”

Tsumugi sighed with a knowing smile. “No, it’s true.”

Izumi pushed her sleeve up her arm and gripped her bicep. “C’mon, Tsumugi, have a little pride! Be a man!” She exclaimed, thumping his shoulder. Tsumugi laughed weakly, and you squeezed his hand. You knew he didn’t like comments about his manhood all that much. He was already insecure about how feminine others perceived him.

“Tsumugi will take care of me no matter what, and I’ll do the same for him,” You stated. Tsumugi pressed a kiss to your cheek, and you bit back the grin that threatened to overtake you.

“See? We’ll be fine,” Tsumugi promised. Tasuku still looked doubtful, but stepped back onto the porch, leaving you and Tsumugi huddled together on the sidewalk.

“Fine. You better not get stuck anywhere,” He huffed.

“That wouldn’t be the worst scenario,” You said, pressing your back against Tsumugi’s chest. Tasuku rolled his eyes and headed inside after waving a goodbye to Tsumugi, who gave him a bump on the fist. Izumi did the same, then closed the door behind her, leaving you alone with your boyfriend.

“Ready?” You asked, already walking.

“Ready,” Tsumugi answered.

.

The highest point in Veludo resided in the hilly areas that paved the way out of your cozy Tokyo suburb. If you dove off the road and were prepared to brace a steep hike, you would find a tree marking the summit of the hill. Behind it, there would be a clearing surrounding a large lake, and the fireflies would go about their business around the lily pads, while the willow trees shed their skin and cried tears of petals all along the bank. Mesmerizing.

...or so you’ve been told. Kazunari claimed he had never seen it himself, but he had heard lots of stories.

You and Tsumugi had decided to check it out in the evening, resolving that it was good to stay up late and get some exercise every once in a while. You were currently halfway up the hill—your calves were sure to be sore the next day, and a bead of sweat formed along your brow. You looked down at Tsumugi, who was faring better than you thought he would, honestly. He had hardly broken a sweat, though he downed half of the water bottles you had packed.

“(Y/N), the summer really suits you,” He called out, but you kept your uphill march, knowing he was only paces behind you.

“What makes you say that?” You asked.

“You’re so warm, and sunny. Even in the night, I think you look so much more at ease in the heat than in the cold,” Tsumugi continued.

“Well, if I’m summer, you’re winter.”

“We’re opposites.”

“As in all things,” You said cheekily. Tsumugi rolled his eyes.

“We do have a lot in common, though,” He reminded.

“Yeah. How was practice today, by the way?”

“Homare and Hisoka have really perfected their banter. Being around them is like having your own personal improv duo,” Tsumugi laughed. You mimicked him, but the hike was starting to get to you. You silently prayed for the top to come soon.

Tsumugi didn’t fail to notice the hitch in your laugh. “Oh, are you getting tired?” He picked up his pace so that he could walk besides you, and the flush in your face was the most gorgeous thing he had seen all night. He reached out towards you.

You pushed his hands away. “Wait until we get to the clearing, or I’ll lose my resolve to keep going,” You warned. Tsumugi sighed, but obeyed. The two of you continued in peaceful silence, arriving at the summit a couple minutes later.

Relief flooded through your legs as you finally stopped moving. You pulled yourself to the top of the hill, rested on the the thick tree that was rooted there, and looked out over the other side. It was everything Kazunari had described. Buzzing fireflies, reflecting off of the water, occasionally disturbed by soft ripples of frogs or turtles. You whistled.

“Tsumugi!” You exclaimed, awed. He nodded next you, mouth open.

“Wow. That’s beautiful,” He remarked. You felt a hand snake around your waist, and you tore your gaze away from the scenery only to look at Tsumugi. His eyelids were slightly narrowed, and after he scanned your eyes, his gaze dipped down to your lips. You blushed. He could be so sultry, especially in the moments when we wasn’t trying at all.

Tsumugi pressed you closer to him, and you closed your eyes. His lips brushed yours softly, and then he kissed you deeply, one of his hands moving to sift through your hair.

It was magical, you thought. Crickets and cicadas sang in the background, and the sound of rushing water could be heard in the distance. Tsumugi’s hand fit neatly in the small of your back, and you raised your hands to cup his face. When he pulled away, you looked at him in wonder.

“I’m glad Tasuku didn’t come,” He said, astounded, and you giggled. Of course that meathead was hanging in the back of his mind. You were glad you could win this small victory over him, though. As glad as you were for Tsumugi’s healthy relationship with his childhood friend, you liked to steal the spotlight sometimes.

Instead of responding, you pulled him down towards you once more. Tsumugi obliged, closing his eyes as he held you again.

The amount of kisses grew in number, until each one blurred into the next. Tsumugi’s hand traced your sides, and you snaked your arms around his neck, brushing the edge of his hair. You shivered where he touched you, despite the steady heat. Tsumugi pressed his forehead against yours, finally ending the marathon of kisses you had shared. You were both out of breath, neither trying to hide how winded you were.

“I love you,” Tsumugi said, with all the simplicity of this serene evening, speaking as if this was a fact as old as time. You stumbled back, the weight of the his words crashing into you.

Tsumugi smiled, then sat on the ground, pulling a thick blanket out of the pack he had cast aside when you arrived. You stared down at him incredulously. What? Love? You knew he didn’t take those words lightly, but he had said it as naturally as one could.

He patted the seat next to him, and you sat there, complacent. Tsumugi brought his knees up to his chest, and rested his head there.

“I love you,” He said again, slowly.

“...do you mean that?” You asked carefully. Tsumugi turned and took your hands in his, holding them up to his lips.

“More than anything,” He murmured against your fingertips, eyes closed. You gazed at him with every fiber of affection that was in your body. He looked so sweet, so comfortable. His bangs shifted as the breeze picked up, and you pushed them back from his face.

“I love you too,” You said softly, planting a kiss on his forehead. You then moved to hug him, but Tsumugi hadn’t had enough support, and the two of you toppled over in a fit of giggles.

Tsumugi propped his arms up behind him. “Do you mean that?” He returned, a genuine question. You slung your arms around his neck, and once his back was against the tree, his hands settled at your waist once more.

“Well, you might be a bit too old for me, now that I think about it,” You teased. Tsumugi ruffled your hair haphazardly.

“That’s a cruel joke, (Y/N),” He said. Tsumugi gathered you up in his arms and peppered kisses all over your face, on your nose, on your cheeks, on your forehead, your lips. You protested without any real force, laughing, and he finally pressed a dry kiss to your neck. You could feel him smiling.

“Tsumugi, I love you too,” You promised, running a hand through his hair. He sighed contentedly, breathing you in.

You lay with him, covered by the stars, safe in the surrounding scenery. You couldn’t imagine anyone else you would ever want to share this moment with.

Tsumugi kissed you, and you melted into him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was that too Tsumugi-focused? I hope it was alright for a self-insert fic :,)
> 
> If any of you want to talk about Winter Troupe, please leave a comment! I have so many thoughts about them, especially our baby bean/himbo duo. I think I mentioned all my oshi in this fic besides Masumi lolol.
> 
> Again, thank you for reading! :-)


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